if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
