I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
