laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize