Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
