The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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