i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
