That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
