Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
