I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
