If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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