you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
