my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
