she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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