why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
