Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
