my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
