can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
