His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
