How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize