why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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