The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
