i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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