The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
