You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
