stop calling my apartment porn island.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
