brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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