you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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