you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my shit smells like andre
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
