So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
