I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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