dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
