We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
