Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
