I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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