You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
