I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
foreskin is a definite game changer
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
