I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
