I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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