Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
