I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
