I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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