I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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