can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
