i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
