so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
