just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
