just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
