I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
