Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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