Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
