Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
