Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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