There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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