Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i think i have two assholes
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How does one acquire holy water?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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