Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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