I think I died a long time ago.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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