I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They took my balls.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
