Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
