She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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