Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
