So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
