Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
