my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
