im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
