Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
being pregnant is like rehab
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
