he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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