hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
