He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
