You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
