I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
