oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
