your parents love me but you hate me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
