this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
