Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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