But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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