She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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