apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
