Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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