i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
