I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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