Little spoons don't ask big questions
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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