I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
