My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it's like iHOP with fire
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
