there's paper in my vomit.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
