My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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