I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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