How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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