I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
