I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
