420 ftw
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
